Whole Hearted
Words fail me
I wanted to write about how I feel
But there are no words to describe
I wanted to tell you the hurt and the pain you’ve caused
But there is nothing that big to compare it to
There was a time when I loved you so much I ached
Now I cant even remember why I put myself in that position
Why I opened myself up for you to hurt me so much
I thought you loved me, I thought you cared
But someone who cares for another would never say the things you did
They’d never betray the trust given to them
By the person who gave them their heart
You used it like it was a toy
A pin cushion
Each word poking a bigger hole than the last
The saddest part is I don’t blame you
I blame myself for letting you in
Not just once, but again and again
I forgave and moved on each time
But the scars were still there
They hurt more and more each day
And still I let you back in
Now you’ve left me with nothing
Devoid of feeling
There is no anger, no disappointment
Empty, hollow inside
A shell walking around day after day
Waiting for the feeling to return
Welcoming the pain, the tears that fall hot, burning my cheeks
Because at least I can feel them
At least I know as much as you hurt me you didn’t break me
Its something that can be fixed, changed, repaired
But this was the last time
I cant go through it again
The escape was narrow, but what you’ve destroyed with your words and actions
It can be rebuilt
In time I know I can, you don’t want me to believe it, but I can
And until I heal
Until I can walk with a smile on my face I can wear my mask
My trusted worn out mask
So no one can see the pain I am in
The pain you caused
They will only see what I let them see until I can face them with a genuine smile
So I grieve now for what I have lost
But I dream of the day when my wounds will heal
When my heart will once again be whole
When I can smile again
I loved this! Thanks for sharing! love always!~~~~~~junebug
Jo, You truly have the gift of words. There is so much feeling in what you write that you move me to laughter or to tears. Love you, Kathy
Jo,
You are an amazing writter! Words have somehow left me a while ago now… I am glad to see that they haven’t eluded you and I really hope that your writing is bringing you healing!
As always, I feel honored that you trust enough to share!!!
Love you!
Karine
Jo, you bring tears to my eyes. I know another day will come when your heart will feel what it truly means to be happy. It takes time but you are such a wonderful, sincere person that you will find happiness again. You are so admired and loved by so many people! Lots of hugs for my dear friend, tc queen
Hi Jo, I have a few select cusswords I’d like to use thinking anybody has the audacity to make you feel this way. This was very well written, nobody could have expressed it better. I’m sure I can’t help much but you’re right at the top of the list of people I admire. Any time you feel as low as this you write me. I won’t talk about it. Just write me anytime but esp times like this. I love you, you’ve given me a world thats totally different from before I met you. You’ve given the same to a great many at FT. I’ve shed a couple tears for you my friend and sending prayers n love out to you. Jest
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