WannaBeNormal - My Search for Peace, Love

For any of you out there who have been depressed in the past, you know what I mean when I call it the Darkness. When you’re depressed, you feel like you are in a place completely devoid of light, of hope of any kind. You can be in a crowd of people and feel the most intense loneliness deep inside your heart. Friends and loved ones don’t understand, because the sufferers themselves don’t understand, so too often they hide it, put a smile on their face while their insides are filled with sorrow and tears to the point of overflowing. The only escape from the pain and sorrow is sleep. Our dreams provide us with fleeting moments of happiness, because in our dreams our world is exactly as we want it to be. That’s why people who are depressed sleep so much, well that and the feeling of hopelessness they get, the ‘why bother getting out of bed’ feeling.

The Darkness is a terrible emotional black hole. It sucks all the joy, life, feeling out of every moment for anyone who is in it. The day to day routine is often so hard to endure, because not only do you have the bleakness inside, but the act of pretending to be ok in front of everyone is exhausting. This adds to the sufferer not wanting to get out of bed. The mundane everyday activities become overwhelming. Their heads swim with thoughts of escape, but they eventually give up all hope of escape and accept their dismal existence. They don’t LIVE, because living implies directing ones activities towards a goal, experiencing emotions, feelings, being IN the moment. Depression sufferers do none of those things. Instead they exist, simply floating along, unable to see past the darkness.

Someone who has never been depressed might have mistaken beliefs as to what depression really is. They may think its sadness, or feeling a bit blue. Depression is beyond that. Someone who is truly depressed is affected by it in ever aspect of their life. Often they can’t eat, or eat too much, because they don’t care enough about themselves to give their bodies the nourishment it needs to survive or because they find solace in food. They sleep too much and are tired all the time anyway, because the effort of putting on an act pretending to be happy when all they want to do is curl up into a ball and wait there until they feel right again is exhausting. They have trouble finding joy or having fun in things that used to make them happy. Yes they do often feel sad, but that’s just part of what they feel. Feeling overwhelmed, guilt for not being happy about things that should make them happy, lonely, hopeless, helpless, all those feelings rushing through them as well as sadness. It’s also been shown that depression can actually cause physical pain. They can feel like their heart is physically breaking, or have other aches. Their immune system can become weakened, because of lack of nourishment or maybe that feeling of hopelessness prevents them from taking proper care of themselves and they can catch illnesses easily, which makes them feel even worse mentally as well.

Outsiders who catch a glimpse of what the sufferer is hiding behind the fake smile, or people that are talked to or let in on the secret the sufferer is going thru often offer up solutions. “Shake it off”, “It’s not that bad”, “Get out there and do something fun”, “Just cheer up” or “You just need some time away” are the most common responses. Most of the time the sufferer will just thank the person for their advice and pretend to follow along with it. Just another person to hide their pain from. If it were that easy to fix, why would they silently suffer? Although the person doling out the advice usually generally cares, their advice often leaves the depressed person feeling worse, because they feel even their closest friends and loved ones don’t even understand. More isolation, more pain, more doubt that they will ever climb out of this bottomless pit.

There are many theories surrounding depression. Some feel that with proper counseling people can successfully recover from it. Others think that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and requires medication to recover. Or maybe it’s sometimes both. When you’re in the midst of it, the cause really doesn’t matter so long as a proper treatment is found before its too late. One thing that IS for sure is that Depression is VERY real to those who experiencing it. It can lead to many things, drug addiction, alcoholism, suicide to name a few. The feelings of loneliness and hopelessness eventually give way to a kind of numbness. Nothing seems to matter anymore; you hurt yourself just to see if you can still feel pain. The best thing someone can do at this point is recognize they need help and the best thing someone who knows of someone who has gotten to this point is to get help for them. They might not care enough about themselves by the time they get to this point, so by going out and getting them the help they need, or making them get the help they need themselves, you are showing them that not only does someone care about them, but that there IS hope. You are throwing them a rope to help them climb out of the darkness.

In the fast paced world we live in, so often depression goes unnoticed by loved ones. If you love someone, take the time to truly LISTEN to what they are saying. If they are acting out of character, take the time to find out why. Most of the time they WANT to let someone in, they WANT someone to help them, even if it’s just someone to listen and make their world a little less lonely. Remember that you don’t always have to have an answer for them, sometimes its enough just to lend an ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Thirty minutes of your time could be the kindest thing anyone has done for them in quite some time. Be the rope to pull them out, or the one who holds their hand to lead them out of the Darkness and into the light where there is hope once more. You never know when the tables might turn and it would be you needing help, not to mention, you just might save their life.