Hey gang,
I have been going through alot of emails and trying to answer them all, I just wanted to check in with everyone, KEEP EMAILING!!! I enjoy helping and will do all I can to continue… Also, be on the lookout for my next vid, it will be coming out within the next few weeks. Til then take care all!
- Jo
Ok this has been a LONG WEIRD road for me, but let me try and update as best I can and briefly as I can for those of you that have asked where I have been or what I have been up to.
My sister gave birth to a healthy boy! So happy for her, and glad that this one went quickly and smoothly. He joins a sister (2) and a half brother (8), everyone is doing well I am happy to say.
Mom has fully recovered from her back surgery and is happy to have no restrictions anymore. Uncle Ted came out for my sisters wedding and I have many great pictures of us all together.
As for me, well I finally got the ball rolling not just on my disability but also my divorce. Paperwork submitted, now the waiting begins. Many of you know, the seizures have been the worst. I am kinda stuck with them since the meds I can take for them knock me out, but if i dont take the meds I have seizure after seizure. Originally the kids started out with me, ex took everything and I was fine with it, in fact I TOLD him to take anything he wanted so long as I got to keep the kids.
So thats how the summer went, and I tried my best to deal with life on the drugs they gave me to stop the seizures, but they made me very tired, and I know it put too much responsibility on the kids. My daughter got tired of taking care of her brother (though when I was her age I was watching my sister for my parents alot). Their Dad got a girlfriend and despite my agreement with him prior to this event he introduced her to the children who liked her, which I was glad for, as I had met someone I was interested in introducing the kids too. The day finally came for me to do so and they loved him, he helped them with thier homework while I was fixing dinner and taught them some games to play. When it was time for them to go to their dads I took my friend home, spent a few days getting to know his family, only to receive a call from my ex that my children no longer wanted to live with me. I cried and pleaded with him to no avail, he would allow them to talk to me on the phone, but only my son would talk, my daughter said she felt ‘uncomfortable’ and that I had somehow ‘lied to her’. I cried for days and stayed at my friends house, I couldnt bear being at home with their stuff all around the house, so I stayed with my friend while I made some important decisions
1. I decided to let the kids stay with their Dad. I would not make that decision for them because even though the state doesnt think they are old enough, I trust them to make it themselves, and if they wanted to be with me, I wouldnt let thier Dad take them from me.
2. I decided to move to Wisconsin with my boyfriend. I couldnt sit home and look at thier rooms every nite and not see them, I knew that would only drive me into a deep depression. This way I see them when I go home, and I go home as often as possible. I will make it a point to tell them both they can call me and see me WHENEVER they want, and the only reason I am not fighting for them is because I wont go against their wishes. I needed to do something with my life anyway, and this feels right. My boyfriend loves me and cares about me more than I could have ever asked for. Also I am out of Mom’s hair which I am sure she appreciates!
So thats where I am at everyone. My Bipolar is a bit out of whack, and my Fibro is flaring, Seizures have gotten alittle worse too, but I think its in anticipation of the upcoming court dates for the divorce. I am doing my best to make all this as seamless as possible, but of course that only makes it harder on me. I’ll live. Thank you all for your continued comments and emails of support and I hope to do another video soon, but I am going to need to help my boyfriend settle some things first.
Take care all!
Jo
As tough as it is to break this girl, she’s nearly broken. I have tried, in all honesty I have given my all, I put myself out there time and time again thinking maybe, JUST maybe, I’ll make some friends. Of course I am told in the real world friendships are easier, but I chose to ‘practice’ per se with online friends first, because I figure it would be easier to start a friendship online, but I keep getting rejected. That makes me want to crawl back under the covers and hide considering the fact that all my online friendships fail. I reach out only to get my hand smacked away time and time again. Online friendships should be easier to form and easier to maintain, so why is it that no one wants to be friends with me? I meet people, it starts out well, I can always FORM the friendship, its the maintenance part I seem to fail at.
Don’t get me wrong, I can take care if my end but the people on the other end don’t, and I just don’t have it in me to carry on a one sided friendship. So where does that leave me? Friendless as usual ,
No, I haven’t been hiding, I wish the answer were as simple as that!
I have been wanting to update everyone, but didn’t know how in depth I wanted to go so here it is…
Back a few months ago I had sinus surgery and they removed BONE that was blocking one sinus cavity and partially blocking another. We had hoped that the surgery would rid me of the near constant headaches that had plagued me for as long as I can remember and in one way it did, I could definitely tell a difference, but I still had headaches, not so much sinus headaches, but in the back right side of my head, where a previous MRI had revealed a supposed venous angioma (tangle of blood vessels and lymph nodes, supposedly harmless). Everyone kept saying, there is NO WAY you can feel that, and I said well I feel SOMETHING. Then out of nowhere the headaches got worse and I started having partial focal seizures, so they sent me to the Neurologist. All this while going to school online and helping coach my daughters Basketball team I might add lol. He sent me to get an EEG and another MRI just to check on the angioma make sure it hadn’t grown or anything.
Initially the GP got the reports and it showed nothing had changed and the EEG was normal. I hate this hospital and don’t trust them so on a hunch I took my MRI (not just the reports the actual MRI) to my Neuro visit. After reading the reports he was just going to up my antiseizure medication and follow up with me until we found the right dose but I asked that he review my MRI and he took it and left the room. He was gone about ten minutes and I basically gathered my things and planned my route home, I didn’t really think he would find anything different by this point, it was just for my peace of mind. I was quite floored when he came back in and said ‘Thats not a Venous Angioma, thats an AVM, and I need to refer you to a Neurosurgeon as soon as possible’ I could almost feel the floor drop out from under me. Neurosurgeon??? My Dad died of a Brain Anyerism so it really scared me when he said Neurosurgeon, but by the time I left his office I had composed myself and in the two hours it took me to drive home it really was ok. I came to terms with it, I decided to do all the research I could and be ready for whatever the Neurosurgeon recommended.
As of now I have not had my appointment with the Neurosurgeon, on top of everything else there are complications with my insurance and finding a Neurosurgeon who takes it etc etc etc … At least now I can say I have thoroughly done my research. I have three options, and if given the choice I am going with the crainiotomy as that is the only proven way to be completely free of it and if I am not free of it I will worry over every little headache. My mom is freaking about it, because she says its not the anyerism that killed Dad its the surgery, but I have to go with what I think is best.
I understand the risks involved, and yes I am a bit nervous, my loved ones don’t really seem to see this procedure as life threatening (except my mom) but I know it is, the chance may be low but it is still there, and I think I am ok with that. I mean what choice do I have but to have faith that everything will work out as it should?
Til next time gang, peace, health, and happiness!
~Jo