My Thoughts On Love, Marriage, and Other Relationships
What does love mean to you? I am talking the love between you and your significant other, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. I know that its something that’s subjective, it means different things to different people. it’s a deeply personal thing, just as the reasons why we fall in love in the first place are, different reasons, different things that attract us to one another. Its really difficult to explain, to put into words, but its fascinating to me to see how something SO important to some mean nothing to another.
I always viewed marriage as a partnership, both sides equal, mutual respect, compassion, understanding, and some similar interests. Some people are all about looks, and while I do believe that plays a part, I don’t think you base a relationship let alone a marriage solely on that. First off, if your married for life, your partners looks will change, that’s inevitable. So you really should have other things, such as shared interests, to fall back on. I also think that the way a person acts, their attitude, has an impact on how you view them. A good sense of humor, strong character, and a deep seated respect for you as well as acknowledging your right to disagree (translation, accepting the fact that two people can disagree, and that they aren’t always right) can make an average looking person look like a supermodel in their love’s eyes. On the flip side, mean spirited words, discouraging comments, hateful talk toward your partner or anyone, conceit or deceit can turn a supermodel into an ugly duckling.
We all want different things out of the actual relationship as well. Some are superficial, wanting someone to provide for them, that security. I don’t look down upon them for that, who is to say who is right or wrong in what you look for in a relationship? Others go for different traits, loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness to be among the top I would imagine. This is not only demonstrated in how the person responds to you and your actions and dealings with the person, but how they handle ALL relationships in their life, be it with their friend, their co-worker, or even their mom.
Some people believe in fate, destiny, and that if its meant to be, it will all work out. I suppose I am one of those people, but I also believe that you sometimes need to help it along, you cant just sit back and watch it from a distance. You need to cultivate and nurture any relationship in order for it to grow, be it a friendship, or a marriage, just as you would for a child, plant or pet, anything you want and expect to grow up strong and healthy. There have to be compromises, sure, any time your living closely with another person, theres got to be compromise, but it should be equal, one person cant be doing all of the taking. Compromise shouldn’t include giving up what makes you you either. If someone falls in love with you for who you are, they take the good with the bad. Any relationship that starts out with one person trying to change another is doomed from the start. The only way a person should ever change is to better themselves. It should be THEIR choice. Its also the only way a person will ever change is if its something THEY want. If you go into a relationship thinking your going to change something about someone, your only going to find disappointment.
A partner should not be looking for ways to “fix” you, the only person you can “fix” is yourself. A good partner will accept you for your faults, sometimes not seeing them, sometimes just seeing them as something that makes you who you are. If it is part of what makes you who you are, the person they love, then why would they want to change that? A TRUE friend, and that’s what any partner should be also, a FRIEND, is going to support you regardless. I’m not saying they shouldn’t try and stop you if they see you going down the wrong path, but they should love and support you, help you reach your goals and dreams regardless of how silly or unattainable they may be to them, because they should believe in you and recognize whats important to you should be important to them by association.
Love is kindness. Love is wanting to see the object of your love happy above all else, at whatever cost to you, because seeing them happy makes you happy inside. Love doesn’t set someone up for failure, nor does it sit back and wait for the person to fail just to say the hurtful words “I told you so”. Love is given freely, with no thoughts of “what am I getting out of this”. Love is not anything that can be halfway, love is with all your heart, soul, and being.
Bottom line I guess in my opinion is this. With the right people, love is easy, anyone can love, but it takes a lot to make a relationship work. THAT part is not easy, but I have to believe that in the long run its worth it, we all have to, or what would we bother with trying so hard for? Love for friends, love for family, love for your partner its all worth it in the end, you get back what you give just by seeing the joy on the other persons face, the joy that you helped put there. If we remember that, even on our darkest days, then we will know that happiness isn’t just an unattainable dream, its an undeniable reality.
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