I’ve almost reached my limit……..
As tough as it is to break this girl, she’s nearly broken. I have tried, in all honesty I have given my all, I put myself out there time and time again thinking maybe, JUST maybe, I’ll make some friends. Of course I am told in the real world friendships are easier, but I chose to ‘practice’ per se with online friends first, because I figure it would be easier to start a friendship online, but I keep getting rejected. That makes me want to crawl back under the covers and hide considering the fact that all my online friendships fail. I reach out only to get my hand smacked away time and time again. Online friendships should be easier to form and easier to maintain, so why is it that no one wants to be friends with me? I meet people, it starts out well, I can always FORM the friendship, its the maintenance part I seem to fail at.
Don’t get me wrong, I can take care if my end but the people on the other end don’t, and I just don’t have it in me to carry on a one sided friendship. So where does that leave me? Friendless as usual ,
I understand how you feel. I, too, often feel rejected and I feel as if my friends–or the ones I have anyway–don’t care about me. But deep down, I KNOW they do. There will ALWAYS be someone who cares about you. Friends, family, teachers, co-workers….trust me.
Just don’t try so hard, just be yourself. I can’t stress this to you enough. I know you’ve probably heard people say that a million, bajillion times….but hun they always say that because it’s true. I nearly cut my wrists over peer-pressure and bled to death, just because I’m so self-conscious. I finally started dressing the way I wanted too, though I was nervous about what people thought ofme, and I started doing things that I wanted to do. Sure, it was nerve-wracking because I couldn’t help but be concerned over how people looked at me….but now I have more confidence about myself, much much more than I used too. Plus I don’t get as worried as much as I used too about my appearance/personality.
You sound like a great person, who’s just having a hard time right now. You need to find someone who loves you for YOU. Someone who does their share in preserving their friendship with you.
And I’m sure that deep down, your online friends do care. They may just be busy with their own lives, such as personal family issues.
IM me on AOL (AIM), my screen name’s lilaleahg. My Yahoo! is aleahgabbard (I’m never on there much, though). I love making friends, so please just hit me up for a chat. I promise I won’t desert you, and I’ll give you advice on things like social-situations.
Plus, I have a Myspace, http://www.myspace.com/kawaiicherimu130, if you ever need anyone to talk too then just ask. I’ve dealt with suicide situations, rejections from both friends and family, drug addiction, you name it =)
Hi,
Thanks for posting the video on YouTube. I just watched it for the first time. I was diagnosed with bp in 2003 and I forget sometimes about all the damage it has done to me and my loved ones over the years. Then I “stumble upon” something bp and it keeps me accountable–no drinking!
Please know there are many people out there suffering like you and wanting to be a “normie.” And please know that we are living “normal” lives. I work in a suit and tie like my colleagues. Some are alcoholics. Some are ADD. I just happen to have bp and am dealing with it daily (some days better than others). I hope you find the technique to help you manage.
Take care,
-L
Thank you for posting your YouTube videos. I cried in the down portion of “How I describe bipolar.”
Hey girl,
I can relate. I have few friends myself. I dont have any I see on a regular basis anymore. I feel like I have closer ones I’ve met online as well and think if only they lived closer. Sadly they dont. I think online it’s easier for everyone to let their guard down. I’m pretty outgoing but I guess even I feel like I cant just ask a stranger that I may strike up a conversation in line with “hey, wanna be friends?” lol. I joke about it because when we were kids…wasn’t it just that easy? Why is it as adult it can’t be? It’s kinda sad. As kids we are so trusting and can like someone instantly and ask them to be our friend and a simple ok and that’s it, lets go have lunch together, but it’s not like that in real life. I think about my birthday parties as a kid. I have lots of friends 10-15 at least. Where did they all go? As we grow up we drift apart. Sometimes I think I’m close to people I work with but soon find out after I have left jobs that they dont keep in touch. Maybe I dont do my best either. I dunno. Still I hear what your saying. I get lonely at times. I have a few friends I could call and occasionally call me but no one I see on a regular basis. We have grown a part and have different lives. Some moved away or married or had kids and just got new jobs or something and busy with their own lives. As we get older it takes more work to keep up with friendships and people dont put as much attn into them I think. It’s just hard to meet people. Where do you go? It’s not like when we are kids and we dont do as many hobbies or hang out with our neighbors. I guess it takes us really hitting it off with someone or just making an effort and someone responding to it. I wish you luck. You seem sweet. It just takes time. It’s really hard to get past the acquaintance stage. I think it’s just some people you just hit it off with right away. Finding someone u you similar interests and things in common with helps. Like your kids friends parents maybe for example. Well good luck to all of us. Thank God for Internet friends too though!
Jo, I was your friend from the very first conversation we had. I felt a kinship with you.I never one time rejected you.I think you are a great person and I care alot about you.Love, Becs
I’d like to be friends. I discovered you on youtube earlier while looking up something else and was happy I found you. I think you can help me with some of my struggles.
D.
Thank you so much for all that you do! You’re never without friends because your helping to many other individuals. We may not be physically present, but your in our prayers.
Feel free to contact me if I can help, and that goes for everyone. After 12 years of severe intensifying depression I’ve recently been considered bipolar II (I say consider because bipolar is not who I am, rather some of it’s symptoms are congruent with my own).
My current MySpace is at .com/realizingoneness. I wish everyone the very best!
Warm regards,
Jeremy
P.S. If nothing else, we’ve all got to be earning serious karmic merit dealing with this bipolar crap!
Hey, I’m twelve years old. I have suffered from an eating disorder. My eating disorder doctor believes I am Bipolar…
I have racing thoughts
Depression
Cant Sleep Up all night
Mood Swings Alot
Bad Bad Behavior
impulsive BEHAVIOR ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT
I have tooken online tests and I believe Im Bipolar. Your video’s are a lot of help.
and be normal.
Please come to my site and sign at the comment box.
i know its about catz, just ignore that spot.
I think you can help me recover.
I can relate. I have major trust issues and well, I rarely keep a friend longer than one year. How I have hung on to my husband I will never know.
ourbipolar.com is a site I have found that has been my lifeline so far. It is new, but rapidly growing with lots of information and some lovely people there too.
I believe the stigma of any mental illness, or something a person may not understand, is the main reason they feel awkward about staying friends. I have noticed that I do tend to find friends who are “just as nutty as me”! A couple are bipolar.
I found your youtube post about “My personal experience with Bipolar Disorder” just made me think it was me speaking!
I am awaiting diagnosis to be “official”, but LOADS of your info is as though it is spoken/written about me, so I say now that at long last I feel I fit in. I am normal in a bipolar world - and that is a nice feeling to have.
Questioning yourself all the time is normal, and your friends were never your friends if they are not here now.
Hey, i just want to thank you for doing all this here…i hope you know that this page and of course the video helps many many people day by day and u shouldnt forget that…so i think u have many friends all over the world
…and i´m one of them.
i wish i could tell u more, really…but i don´t speak english very well…
I really wish there would more people like u in this world an in my countrie…
so far…keep on rocking!
greetz from Germany
The last posting was June 6th? What has been going on with you since then?
Mike
August 4, 2008
Thank you for sharing your experiences. In this post you seem to be cycling through a time of self-doubt . Of the many thoughts that are running through your mind, see if you can find a positive one. If you can find one, grab a hold of it and take it for a ride.
You seem to be a wonderful person. Do not let your past percieved failures dictate your sense of self.
Happy Trails to You.
HeyUp, Just watched a couple of your BP videos on yotube great stuff, really excellent and brave, I still try to hide it from people, (not really very successful though). Try the forum I mailed you, people there no where your at.
Im too shy to be friends at the moment.
I would just like to say that you are reaching people through your posts and videos, some people are just not ready to reach out the hand of friendship themself yet. But your honest videos and all the information you provide really does help those of us who suffer alone.
Thank you
Dont give up
Hey! I’ll be your friend!
Try to stop eating wheat and meat and see if your behavior changes. And anything with gluten in it. Your
stomach lining (villi-nutrient absorbers) could be damaged, therefore your brain would not be getting the nutrients and oxygen from the blood that it needs.
I was diagnosed bipolar, even though I think it was post partum psychoses, and I got a blood test to check for
food allergies. It was gluten intolerance.
The meat carries a bacteria that damages the lining too, that is why I mention that.
I have the same problem mate I ahve no trouble meeting and making friends but keeping them is another prob
if you want we can send e-mails once a week and try to maintain a friendship. here is my hand mate lets see what happens.
I know your pain, thank you for speaking out on behalf of all of us who suffer from bipolar disorder. Every video you make helps to dampen the stigma attached to mental illness.
I also watched your tribute to your father, I cried. I lost my father about 12 years ago, the thing is he’s still alive in a nursing home. He has Alzheimer’s and hasn’t known any of the family for more than 12 years. I miss him a lot even though he’s still here.
Feel free to contact me anytime, I would really like to be your friend, and I won’t disappear. Promise! Unless of course you have something against Canadians. LOL
Fondly,
George
George
hi my name is tessa. I heard your videos on ytube and u sound just like me, it is such a releaf to me to know their is other people out there that have the same problems i do. Thanks so much…. I lost my mother to lung cancer a little over one year ago and it has been so hard, soon after that i was told i was bipolar and I also have lots of pain with no medicaly found reason. I guess the only way i got throw it was family and god. so i will pray for you and i hope you find the peace that you are looking for.
“As tough as it is to break this girl, she’s nearly broken”, i like that, cause i think that just about sums it up right? the breaking point, who has hit it? and who is tired of it?
i just want to tell you your not alone since i stumbled onto your website i thought nobody could relate or understand, you have given me hope something i had given up on i spend most of my time on my own i have constant nightmares and wonder is this it i realise if if i want to be happy i have to be more receptive to my family and not shut out my friends either so now is a good time to start i would certainly cherish you as a friend as you given me a lot to be optimistic about for the future i have posted to you before and you gave me some good advice you are someone really special so i hope we can get in touch
hey there, just to respond to the no friends comment, it might be wise to keep in mind the people you are attracting, both through your site and by constantly identifying your personality with this illness. It seems to me, you are attracting like people into your life nes pa? Maybe the problems you have in sustaining relationships are the same problems other people have in sustaining them. Maybe not the easiest way to stick together when both sides feel like bouncing apart…?
I am bi polar, have spent much of my twenties in and out of hospitals and am now enjoying a life on lithium and one that is not dependant on other people accepting me. Because of my illness I have chosen not to have a family. After coming to terms with all the blessings I had been given I started to meet amazing people. Compassionate, intelligent and creative people. Loners like me. I am currently forming and cultivating a few relationships (non of which are romantic) and we are content in observing the world as we walk through life, never demanding or expectining anything from it.
When that mind set comes to you, when you stop feeling desperate, when you begin to feel free from your own expectations of what YOU want from the world and what YOU want from people, you will get whatever you need from life and the people around you. When I stopped identifying myself through that which I lacked, the universe began to give me more then I ever thought I deserved.
all the best to you,
love
I like your videos.they help me understande what bipoloar is about..thank yopui
I just fell on your youtube video and can really relate to your struggle.
In 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at 42 years old. I was hospitalized in a manic state. I really understand your racing thoughts……I usually refer to it as being on a hamster wheel in my head constantly running thoughts and concepts (quite grand at times) exhausting.I am a musician trying to finish a Cd and my head just doesn’t stay focused which is sooooo frustrating and certainly makes me depressed at times.I am currently taking lamictal which seems to be working ok for now but would appreciate any advice you or the other people on your board could offer.
Thanks for listening and best wishes to you.
Add A Comment