WannaBeNormal - My Search for Peace, Love

Everybody always asks me WHY i would ever move from RI all the way out here to the middle of nowhere. Well that answer isnt so simple. I had some things going on at the time, I had just lost my dad, and mom wanted to move out here because she knew people, and there were lots of painful memories for her in RI. After a few severe disappointments, I decided I couldnt be that far away from mommy and came running out lol following her trail of bread crumbs Yeah theres more to it, but thats best saved for a later date……………

Do I regret the move? No of course not, I wouldnt have my little Angels if I hadnt moved here, but there are times when I miss RI sooo much.

I miss it every time a birthday or anniversary rolls around, because though I always miss my Dad, its those times I miss him most, and it hurts me terribly that I cant even visit his and my Grandmothers graves. I know they are always with me in my heart, and the graves are just the place where thier bodies rest not thier spirits, but I still wish I could get there, talk to them, even though I talk to them here its not the same. For the few years after Dad died that I still ived in RI I visited his grave as often as I could, any time I felt like I needed to talk to him, so it makes me sad that I cant just jump in the car now and run over there on a whim.

In the summer, I miss the ocean. I miss being able to look out and see nothing but water, to feel the breeze in my hair. Sure, there is wind here lol, but there is nothing quite the same as the ocean breeze, it engulfs you, takes over all your senses. You can smell it, feel the stickiness of it against your skin, taste the salt water on your lips, hear and see it blowing all around you, on the waves, against the boat. The beaches I miss as well but thats secondary, I was in the ocean more often than on the beach as a kid because Dad always had a boat. I do remember the feeling though of the hot sand between my toes, and my memories of that make me smile.

Of course I miss the people. I left much of my family and so many of my friends behind. I get sad and lonely from time to time, especially now, this is the season of reflection for me, and I know I have family and friends here, but that doesnt mean I dont miss the ones still there. I have grown ALOT since I left, its been eleven years now, and I think some of them would hardly recognize me at this point, although people say I look the same as I did (bullsh**) I am a totally different person than I was back then. I dont know if thats good or bad lol but its true nonetheless. Still there is a part of me that will always look back fondly and forget all the heartache. I know in my brain that I had some bad times there, but my heart only lets me remember the good times, so I miss everyone.

Finally, now more than any other time, I MISS THE SNOW!!!!! Everyone thinks I am nuts, but around Christmas especially, I miss the snow flakes, walking out into a still night and actually hearing the snow fall. Those who have heard it know what sound I mean. The gentle whisper the snow flake makes when it settles itself softly on a tree leaf, or branch, or even on top of more snow lol. I miss that stillness, those sounds, the way it feels to catch a snowflake on your tongue. We get SOME snow here, but not much, and CERTAINLY not enough to teach my kids how to build a proper snowman lol!

Anyway, thats all I guess, just some thing I have been thinking about! Til next time!