Expectations
Expectations…………
I HATE them! We all have them, of ourselves, and each other. Are they fair? I guess, but I think some of us set them far too high. Are you perfect? I’m not. I don’t THINK I have met anyone yet who hasn’t had faults, flaws. How do you deal with the rejection you feel from not living up to what your expected to?
I guess I am just feeling really down right now about myself. I cant think of a time in my life that I have lived up to the expectations of others, and I am constantly letting myself down. The hardest thing for me is disappointing the ones I love. Currently, I am a failure in that department. I just cant be the person I am expected to be. How do I do that? Should I try and change who I am just to live up to the level of perfection that’s expected of me? I was told tonight there’s not even the tiniest room for error, because that’s how it all starts going to hell. Ok so I cant make ANY mistakes? Sorry, that’s not really practical don’t you think?
I am human. As much as its killing me right now, the best thing for me to do is accept the fact that I make mistakes. I need to forgive myself for them. it’s the only way I can live with myself. I push myself very hard to do what’s expected of me, by myself, my loved ones, and society. I cant do that anymore. I need time to reassess my situation, my life, my shortcomings though I know there are many, they are a part of who I am. How can a person claim to love me when they cant accept the fact that I am not perfect?
Its hard enough for ME to accept my limitations, but to be made to feel guilty for them is wrong, especially from someone who “loves” me. That’s not love, love doesn’t hurt this bad. You don’t do that to someone you love, you don’t make them feel ashamed, you don’t point out the littlest mistake, you don’t make them hate themselves because they cant be the person you want them to be. I can tell you, as a fibro sufferer, I WISH I could have my old life back, working two jobs and still having the energy to raise my kids, but I cant, I have to accept that its physically impossible for me to carry on that way anymore. As it is, I do too much, I hurt myself on a daily basis just to get done what’s needed of me, I don’t have the time or energy to do the little extras that are expected of me, and there is No time left for me to do what I NEED to do for myself. So I keep pushing my needs and wants to please others. I cant do it anymore. I need to take care of myself and my children and say screw everything else. Maybe if I do that, and I take care of the important stuff and quit worrying about the little petty inconsequential things, maybe I can be happy, maybe then it can be MY turn. Maybe that’s to optimistic, but that’s the plan now.
To all those who view me as a failure, my deepest apologies that I am not perfect. I wish you luck in your search, because I never will be the one to make you happy, my efforts have gone unnoticed and unappreciated so I am not going to waste any more energy on them. I am through feeling worthless, feeling that I cant do anything right, that I am stupid, ugly, have no common sense. I have heard it all my life and I am too tired to deal with it any longer. This is me, with all my flaws, faults and imperfections, and I am going to learn to accept them, and to love me for who I am. They make me what I am. I am setting my expectations realistically and I am sticking to them, to those that they fit into their plans great, to the ones that don’t then I am sorry, but I am not going on like this any longer, hating myself for who I am? Its not right, its not right to be treated like all I do is wrong and its not right to make me feel so horrible about myself. I cant do it anymore, and I am forgiving myself for that, forgiving myself for not living up to the expectations of perfection. This is me, this is who I am, take me or leave me its all good, and I will always wish you all the best, but I will not go through the hurt another day, another minute, another second. I am what I am, and you accept it or you don’t.
I wont tell anyone what to do or how to think, but I have said it before, love yourself and others will love you, be true to who you are, and don’t be upset if you arent perfect. I’ve been alive almost thirty years and I have yet to meet a perfect person. Accept who you are, accept that everything about you is what makes you unique. I am having trouble practicing what I preach but I will get there, and so will all of us eventually. I guess that’s just all there is to say.
Jo, Being perfect is absolutely impossible for anyone. We all make mistakes in life. With FM and fibrofog, if someone keeps hitting your stress button you will not be able to make it through the day without hurting and tiring your self out this is fact- of which you know. Your life partner is supposed to support you in every way this includes keeping the house in shape and well repaired. Helping you with support and kindness. Thats more iportant than anything.
jo,
it’s nearly impossible to live up to others expectations. personally, i only live up to what i expect from myself. that being said, i am a perfectionist working on being easier on myself.
we do what we can do, when we can do it. having a chronic illness and being in pain/fatigue most of the time takes its’ toll on people. people in our lives just don’t seem to get that.
it takes a toll on the body, mind and spirit. it brings down self-esteem. you are loved by many (some of who haven’t met you in person).
i guess what i’m trying to say is something my wise gramma use to tell me, “Live and let live.” People are going to do and believe what they want to. We can’t control others thoughts or actions.
Us as individuals can only control our behavior and actions on how we deal with these people.
TC and I wish you a Happier and Healthier New Year.
Hi Jo,
I’m only going to comment on the feeling ugly I think because I sent you a PM. I agree w the other comments.
Just so happened I saw this on a Sunday morning. Thats when the step-sons n half the softball team are here. I called them all in and scanned down through your video diaries, asked what they thought w/out any comments on why from me. A couple were bummin you were older than them (19yo smart Alecks) the rest thought you were beautiful, very attractive, would hit on you etc.. Now this isn’t a sample of men suitable to you, but a sampling of comments vocal guys together would make. My Alaina asks every time I write people if I’m writing to the pretty lady in the purple dress. Now I don’t recall a purple dress, but she indeed means you…remember she thinks you’re a movie star! My step-daughter-in-law is upset you could possibly feel less than great about who you are or how you look! JD
Remember Fritz Perls’ Gestalt Prayer:
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
And if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
Hey Jo…. I agree with what Soul posted…..it says what I wanted to say but so much better! I luv ya! Becky
Jo,
Expectactions is what I struggle with everyday. It is somethin in this New Year I am striving so hard to let go.Not only do I have such high expectations on myself, then their is my sister who feels it is her duty to convey to me that it is just not “NORMAL”for a 35 year old to live at home and “SIT IN HOUSE ALL DAY” as well as being on computer too much. I am learning through ohers that I respect that expectations, whether it being me having them on others, on myself, or others putting them on me is a recipe for allot of emotional pain and bad energy. Jo, you are so talented and I enjoy your site allot! Peace and Friendship, Erica
Jo I dont think for one second that you are a failure! I think you are a great mother and a wonderful friend! I am sorry that people or circumstances make you feel this way! I know it is rough right now but please remember that you have friends that understand you and that love you very much! love junebug!
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