You made me cry here,,
i have besides hsp and fibro ,,clinical depression.
and yes i actually tried to kill myself 2 years ago, it was not for attention i had just reached the bottom and did not see any reason to stick around. what was scary that even the thought of my daughter did not stop me, when i get that depressed that i get suicidal ( happens about once a year) i will find EVERY reason why it wont matter to people if i do this. they all tell me they love me and that they wil find me and let me know how upset they are if i ever do it again.
i took a month worth of valium and wrote a ‘last will and testament” that i swear nobody could read because i was crying so much it messed up the ink. but i just did NOT care anymore.
weird thing is, i took the pills, and woke up the next morning with a “hangover”. who survives a month worth of valium?
i was pisssssed off that i woke up if you can believe that. really angry it did not work.
i have not tried since becaue somehow i figure if i woke up from THAT, maybe just maybe there is something i am supposed to do yet, so i make sure i see my shrink regularly and he adjusted my meds for like the 1oth time and i was ok after a few days.
but yeah, i talk about it openly like you do, because i am just a straight forward person and say exactly what is on my mind.
i had an idea for a website very similar to this although the video thing did not cross my mind, but you are SO SO right about needing someone to talk to, the support, etc.
it is hard on the families as well and you always feel like you are just “whining” and actually husband #2 told me that. “must you always whine so much”, all i was trying to do is to relate to him that if he came to bed to please not “rock the bed” because every movement felt like it immedatly hurt all over my body. my kid coming home from school, wants to give me a bear hug and all i can do is say “not so tight pleaaaaaase”.
my mother on the other hand decided “well everyone gets the BLUES sometimes”. not exactly helpful at all.
for support i have to rely on my internet friends as i hardly go outside anymore and thank god i have some that call me or chat and we can “vent” with one another which then keeps us from going on and on about it with the family.
well my last relationship just ended in november and i have to say my illness was the cause of my second divorce and also this breakup. it is just so hard on people you are with they JUST DONT GET how it hurts.
when i wrote my poem “but you look good” i posted it on my fridge and that actually helped. i made everyone read it and it helped them to understand a little i guess.
i feel trapped in this body. i am intelligent and used to be very very outgoing, now i just sit on my bed, pretty much all day, with my laptop and wait for the next day.
trying to sign up for online college to get my bachelors, not because i think i may be able to work again but to make sure my brain does not “dry up”.
online school is the only option there is no way in the world i would make it to an 8 am classon a monday. because at 7 am i got to take my meds and once they kick in it is like i ‘hit a wall’ and i just sleep really deep for at least an hour, than i can slowly get going.
i keep thinking maybe this happend for a reason, otherwise i would take a bottle of pills again in a heartbeat, as long as i have SOME hope things will get better, as far as my financial situation etc. as long as i have that hope i will hang on. its a dim little light of hope but that is all i have and i am holding on to it.
you keep plugging along as well please because your honesty and cander are very refreshing and i really needed to “vent’ today that is why you are finding so many comments. of course they may make no sense at all,but i tried.
have to get off now and rest my eyes are not staying open and i am SO tired.
all the best to you
Christiane
jen Said,
im not quite sure how i stumbled upon your site tonight, but i did & im glad. its nice to see that youre so open with what’s going on in your head and how youre feeling. im quite the opposite, dont like to talk to my family/friends much about whats going on –even though theyre quite aware because my actions speak volumes whenever im going through episodes.
i know exactly what youre going through, and it sucks! ive been struggling with bpd for almost six years now [and am only 20]. have been hospitalized on a few occasions for trying to end my life [overdosing, slicing my wrists, drinking myself into a coma]. either because my head was going so fast that i figured it was the only way to help the situation, or because of the spiraling depression that would follow the manic episode.
once im feeling better i realize that even the thought of suicide is very selfish. but its hard to rationalize or think things through or clearly when youre feeling so helpless. you seem so precious. i hope you’ve been feeling okay lately!
love & best of wishes
Andy Said,
Jo,
You would most definitely be missed. You are an inspiration to me to keep going. When I watch your videos I see myself in many ways..well I’m male but you know what I mean lol One thing I would ask you to try and remember is..people don’t see you how you see yourself. When your depressed its hard to remember that and in fact they usually love you more. But i know what you mean…My family is very understanding and supportive of me and also my friends are and without that I would hate to speculate. Where I have the most trouble is that I live alone, no kids and I’m not the kind of person who wants to be alone like this but this is where i have found myself because almost exactly like you it turns out to be a one sided deal where my honesty , openness, and vulnerability are used against me..then its blamed on the escape goat of my bipolar. When what it really was is that they were not honest in who they presented themselves to be. I cant tell you how many times someone has told me they understand and love me in spite and even because of my hardships then turn around and hurt me more than i could myself. Yet I’m not about to let that stop me from believing in people I just wish I could meet someone who would truly believe in me . I know this world will never be perfect and will always be chaotic. Its my wish that before I die (naturally of course I could find someone to share my life with that could say to themselves in all honesty that they are exactly where they want to be. Happiness is best shared God Bless and know you’ll always have a friend here
aaron Said,
well, you are certainly one of THE most interesting people I have met. Can I say met? I feel like I know you cause i’ve watched about 15 of your videos on you tube and then decided to come to this site. I originally saw one video of your description of bipolar and I’ve been hooked to your life story since…well a whole 2 hours. But anyways, I had no plans of staying up late tonite,but I just want to keep reading. btw, i thought that was a sweet video for your kids b4 u went into surgery, so dont think of killing yourself, cuz ur kids would be robbed of some great parenting in their futures. i think why I keep learning more about you and reading about it is because you mention SOOOO many things I experience or have experienced in my life. Although I feel you have suffered greater than I am, and I am astounded by the sheer power and will you exhibit. I am 25 years old and had my rough patches in my life, especially during college, but I kept it all inside and never could even think aobut letting anyone know that I was defunct in someway. I wish I had your strength to be so open about it. Although you know you are suffering I wanted to let you know you seem like the type of person who takes more of the brunt of things than the common person, but it gives you a special ability. From what I’ve read up to now and seen in your videos you should explore opportunities in occupations that allow you to help others, The many comments I’ve seen people read you make them feel at ease and comfortable which is priceless. damn, i’ve rambled more than i thought i would’ve. Originally, i just wanted to tell you u have the strength that cannot be measured by words but by the hearts and emotions of others. Take care, and I wish you the best in 2009
I am not as open with my feelings as you are. The last time i got depressed, I didn’t leave my trailer for almost 2 months, I stopped eating, (maybe once a day, or once every other day.) I stopped cleaning, stopped showering. I thought about suicide a lot, I kept telling myself I could snap out of it. I didn’t. I was finally escorted out by a good friend of mine, who promptly drove me to the hospital. (OK, we stopped to eat first, but he made sure not to leave me alone.) I had stopped answering the phone, and the door. I would drag myself out of bed, to the couch, and lay their awake. My body hurt, my soul hurt. I felt worth less than nothing. I just knew that everyone would be better off without me, and that I was making everyone angry. I had horrible nightmares when I did sleep. Not even the nightmares where you wake up with your heart punding, in a sweat and looking for the monster who was chasing you. I would have relished a dream like that. My dreams were always running, from the end of the world. Nowhere was safe, and the few friends or family I saw, I watched die. In one dream, I even had to beat my dog to death. I can still remember looking into his eyes as it was happening, and I woke up crying. I had lost my job, mainly becuase I stopped going. I was running out of money, and I figured I once I got down to a months worth of savings, I would just buy a gun. I was pretty close to that when my friend picked the lock to my front door. I haven’t told anyone how close I was really was, but I think the doctor knew it. I spent a week in the hospital, was diagnosed with bipolar type 1, and then given some scrips and sent on my way. That was Febuary.
lynne Said,
hi, i have been suffering from bouts of depression for 12years now,but the last 4 have been really bad. i cannt seem to get any sort of balance , then i stumbled on this site.alarm bells started ringing,and im thiking i could have bi polar.do i ? of cause now im hating myself more now,i feel like a freak,im scared to talk to any one about it,cos if i say it out loud BI POLAR , i dont know what will happen. where do i go from here?
lynne Said,
i would just like to also say ,jo how brave are u wow, i wish i was as brave,its all so crazy, so scary. see how important you are,by you bringing this out into the open,you are helping so many people.please hang on in there .you are buetifull person inside and out.x love and prayers are with you. lynne x hugssssssss
Julie Said,
*May 23rd, 2OO9*
Hello Jo
My name is Julie and I am fourteen years-old. I have a bipolar disorder and I just found out about 6 or 8 months ago. And I have suffered from depression for around 4 years. I am extremely touched about how opened you are. You are so young and beautiful and so opened, its amazing. Like you, I like to express myself and say things. I dont like to keep things inside, all locked up. But sometimes I have to. Simply because I dont know whom to go to. Everyone I’ve reached out to has ignored me or just said “I understand”. But the really dont. No one does. Everyone I try to talk to just ignores me or they judge me. Im so sick and tired of my life. There is so much pressure around me. D: I also suffer from anorexia since I was 7 or 8 years old. And that makes it harder. I see myself as fat. And I dont have a high self-esteem. This is so hard for me, especially because I am so young. I dont know who to go to. Everyone just turns their back on me. All I have is myself… And I dont know if thats even good enough.
I’ve had a manic episode about three or four months ago. I honestly cant remember exactly when it happened. What I do remember is how I felt and that it last for, like, 3 or 4 hours. I still dont understand why it happened… And Im still stranged with this whol bipolar situation… I am so young and I have all these problems. And I dont know why but it just all came to hit me at once.
I recovered from anorexia after a year or two after I found out. And just recently it came back in October 2OO8. But before that I had a similar problem. I learned that my dad (a.k.a my most important support system) got sick. He was diagnosed with pancreas cancer and diabetes and had to get an emergency surgery. When my told me I was devasted. So for some reason I went to food for comfort. And I guess it was because I knew my dad always wanted me to be healthy and since he was sick I wanted to make him proud. So I started eating like CRAZY. I gained SO MUCH weight. Everyone was impressed. That summer (2OO8) I kept eating and eating and eating, until I really start noticing that I was REALLY gaining weight more than I ever had. I was so impressed because being anorexic is all I’ve ever known myself to be. When October came around is when, in my head, I was “fat”. So I stopped eating. My daily food was just a granola bar and a small fruit. That was it. I starved myself and I still do till this very day. And since October I have lost about 4O lbs or so… I got really skinny and I still am. For some reason I like it. I like being skinny and I like starving myself. I hate food. It disgusts me… So much. I am very careful with what I consume. I count my calories everyday. I try to keep at 5OO for each day. I cheat on Fridays… sometimes. But then I make sure I exercise enough so I can lose any weight gained, if by any chance I do. I do recognize I have a problem, and luckily I am getting help. But… I dont know. The whole anorexic thing is not such a BIG concern to me simply because I have gone through this before. I know the entire process for recovering. But what really worries me is my Bipolar Disorder.
Its hard for me to think that I will be like this for the rest of my life. I am only 14. What am I going to do with my life? This has made me question everything. Who I am. What I like. What I want to do. Or I want to become… I cant answer those questions yet. And I dont know if I’ll be able to. This is sponew for me. I dont know where to go from here. I have changed so much in the past few months… I used to be so outgoing. So happy. Hyper. Nice. Funny. Cool. Focused. Talkative. Etc. Now, Im so shy. I hardly ever go out with my friends anymore. The last time I went out with a group of friends was in January. I havent gone out like ever since. I have become so shy around new people. Im kinda scared of being judged. And that’s not a very good thing. I have lost so many friends. So many of them.
I have a lot of anxiety attacks… I usually speak super fast. Really, really, really fast. I do the same thing you onced mentioned in one of your videos about checking my alarm clock every two minutes. I do that! Haha… I buy a lot of food at the school caff. that I never eat. I spent all my weekly lucnch money in one day because Im so compulsive. I know I need to recover from anorexia. At the same time I dont want to. And being bipolar doesnt make it any better… I have severe mood swings, so severe some people have already noticed I’m bipolar. They ask, but of course I deny it. I dont want to be know as “crazy bipolar girl”. And anorexic, too. About three or four teacher have noticed about my anorexia. And at school some kids have as well. But Im always in denial.
I have such weird mood swings. Its hard for me to understand why. But I guess life isn’t always fair… It is what it is. And all we can do is be strong. And whatever happens, happens…
Thank you so much for sharing your stories and you’re feelings with us. I am so HAPPY to realize that there really are girls like me with this problem, even though not many teenagers have bipolar disorder, of my age. I honestly dont know anyone like me at all, except for you. Its good to know that Im not alone and that other people go through this, too.
Take care and God bless youu.
I hope you keep staying in touch.
Feel better
-Julie
tom Said,
wow i feel like im not the only person atlast. iv not yet bin diagnosed but am on meds and smoke cannibs heavy as this feels like the only thing i can do to stop my thoughts from racing. my brother is diagnosed and im feeling really low as iv just lost my job. i dont want to go out or see anyone! i am waiting to be medically assesed and really worried about it. even my partner asked if i thought i was mental? Am i? i hurt everyone i touch. whats the point? do i deal with this or carry on running from it?
Sarah Said,
thank you so much for your posts …. I have bipolar as well and I know exactly how you are feeling.. I needed some reassurance today that I am not alone and that there are people who understand me so thank you for explaining your story to me. Means more than you know… takecare and hope things are well for you
You made me cry here,,
i have besides hsp and fibro ,,clinical depression.
and yes i actually tried to kill myself 2 years ago, it was not for attention i had just reached the bottom and did not see any reason to stick around. what was scary that even the thought of my daughter did not stop me, when i get that depressed that i get suicidal ( happens about once a year) i will find EVERY reason why it wont matter to people if i do this. they all tell me they love me and that they wil find me and let me know how upset they are if i ever do it again.
i took a month worth of valium and wrote a ‘last will and testament” that i swear nobody could read because i was crying so much it messed up the ink. but i just did NOT care anymore.
weird thing is, i took the pills, and woke up the next morning with a “hangover”. who survives a month worth of valium?
i was pisssssed off that i woke up if you can believe that. really angry it did not work.
i have not tried since becaue somehow i figure if i woke up from THAT, maybe just maybe there is something i am supposed to do yet, so i make sure i see my shrink regularly and he adjusted my meds for like the 1oth time and i was ok after a few days.
but yeah, i talk about it openly like you do, because i am just a straight forward person and say exactly what is on my mind.
i had an idea for a website very similar to this although the video thing did not cross my mind, but you are SO SO right about needing someone to talk to, the support, etc.
it is hard on the families as well and you always feel like you are just “whining” and actually husband #2 told me that. “must you always whine so much”, all i was trying to do is to relate to him that if he came to bed to please not “rock the bed” because every movement felt like it immedatly hurt all over my body. my kid coming home from school, wants to give me a bear hug and all i can do is say “not so tight pleaaaaaase”.
my mother on the other hand decided “well everyone gets the BLUES sometimes”. not exactly helpful at all.
for support i have to rely on my internet friends as i hardly go outside anymore and thank god i have some that call me or chat and we can “vent” with one another which then keeps us from going on and on about it with the family.
well my last relationship just ended in november and i have to say my illness was the cause of my second divorce and also this breakup. it is just so hard on people you are with they JUST DONT GET how it hurts.
when i wrote my poem “but you look good” i posted it on my fridge and that actually helped. i made everyone read it and it helped them to understand a little i guess.
i feel trapped in this body. i am intelligent and used to be very very outgoing, now i just sit on my bed, pretty much all day, with my laptop and wait for the next day.
trying to sign up for online college to get my bachelors, not because i think i may be able to work again but to make sure my brain does not “dry up”.
online school is the only option there is no way in the world i would make it to an 8 am classon a monday. because at 7 am i got to take my meds and once they kick in it is like i ‘hit a wall’ and i just sleep really deep for at least an hour, than i can slowly get going.
i keep thinking maybe this happend for a reason, otherwise i would take a bottle of pills again in a heartbeat, as long as i have SOME hope things will get better, as far as my financial situation etc. as long as i have that hope i will hang on. its a dim little light of hope but that is all i have and i am holding on to it.
you keep plugging along as well please because your honesty and cander are very refreshing and i really needed to “vent’ today that is why you are finding so many comments. of course they may make no sense at all,but i tried.
have to get off now and rest my eyes are not staying open and i am SO tired.
all the best to you
Christiane
im not quite sure how i stumbled upon your site tonight, but i did & im glad. its nice to see that youre so open with what’s going on in your head and how youre feeling. im quite the opposite, dont like to talk to my family/friends much about whats going on –even though theyre quite aware because my actions speak volumes whenever im going through episodes.
i know exactly what youre going through, and it sucks! ive been struggling with bpd for almost six years now [and am only 20]. have been hospitalized on a few occasions for trying to end my life [overdosing, slicing my wrists, drinking myself into a coma]. either because my head was going so fast that i figured it was the only way to help the situation, or because of the spiraling depression that would follow the manic episode.
once im feeling better i realize that even the thought of suicide is very selfish. but its hard to rationalize or think things through or clearly when youre feeling so helpless. you seem so precious. i hope you’ve been feeling okay lately!
love & best of wishes
Jo,
I could find someone to share my life with that could say to themselves in all honesty that they are exactly where they want to be. Happiness is best shared 
God Bless and know you’ll always have a friend here 
You would most definitely be missed. You are an inspiration to me to keep going. When I watch your videos I see myself in many ways..well I’m male but you know what I mean lol One thing I would ask you to try and remember is..people don’t see you how you see yourself. When your depressed its hard to remember that and in fact they usually love you more. But i know what you mean…My family is very understanding and supportive of me and also my friends are and without that I would hate to speculate. Where I have the most trouble is that I live alone, no kids and I’m not the kind of person who wants to be alone like this but this is where i have found myself because almost exactly like you it turns out to be a one sided deal where my honesty , openness, and vulnerability are used against me..then its blamed on the escape goat of my bipolar. When what it really was is that they were not honest in who they presented themselves to be. I cant tell you how many times someone has told me they understand and love me in spite and even because of my hardships then turn around and hurt me more than i could myself. Yet I’m not about to let that stop me from believing in people I just wish I could meet someone who would truly believe in me . I know this world will never be perfect and will always be chaotic. Its my wish that before I die (naturally of course
well, you are certainly one of THE most interesting people I have met. Can I say met? I feel like I know you cause i’ve watched about 15 of your videos on you tube and then decided to come to this site. I originally saw one video of your description of bipolar and I’ve been hooked to your life story since…well a whole 2 hours. But anyways, I had no plans of staying up late tonite,but I just want to keep reading. btw, i thought that was a sweet video for your kids b4 u went into surgery, so dont think of killing yourself, cuz ur kids would be robbed of some great parenting in their futures. i think why I keep learning more about you and reading about it is because you mention SOOOO many things I experience or have experienced in my life. Although I feel you have suffered greater than I am, and I am astounded by the sheer power and will you exhibit. I am 25 years old and had my rough patches in my life, especially during college, but I kept it all inside and never could even think aobut letting anyone know that I was defunct in someway. I wish I had your strength to be so open about it. Although you know you are suffering I wanted to let you know you seem like the type of person who takes more of the brunt of things than the common person, but it gives you a special ability. From what I’ve read up to now and seen in your videos you should explore opportunities in occupations that allow you to help others, The many comments I’ve seen people read you make them feel at ease and comfortable which is priceless. damn, i’ve rambled more than i thought i would’ve. Originally, i just wanted to tell you u have the strength that cannot be measured by words but by the hearts and emotions of others. Take care, and I wish you the best in 2009
I am not as open with my feelings as you are. The last time i got depressed, I didn’t leave my trailer for almost 2 months, I stopped eating, (maybe once a day, or once every other day.) I stopped cleaning, stopped showering. I thought about suicide a lot, I kept telling myself I could snap out of it. I didn’t. I was finally escorted out by a good friend of mine, who promptly drove me to the hospital. (OK, we stopped to eat first, but he made sure not to leave me alone.) I had stopped answering the phone, and the door. I would drag myself out of bed, to the couch, and lay their awake. My body hurt, my soul hurt. I felt worth less than nothing. I just knew that everyone would be better off without me, and that I was making everyone angry. I had horrible nightmares when I did sleep. Not even the nightmares where you wake up with your heart punding, in a sweat and looking for the monster who was chasing you. I would have relished a dream like that. My dreams were always running, from the end of the world. Nowhere was safe, and the few friends or family I saw, I watched die. In one dream, I even had to beat my dog to death. I can still remember looking into his eyes as it was happening, and I woke up crying. I had lost my job, mainly becuase I stopped going. I was running out of money, and I figured I once I got down to a months worth of savings, I would just buy a gun. I was pretty close to that when my friend picked the lock to my front door. I haven’t told anyone how close I was really was, but I think the doctor knew it. I spent a week in the hospital, was diagnosed with bipolar type 1, and then given some scrips and sent on my way. That was Febuary.
hi, i have been suffering from bouts of depression for 12years now,but the last 4 have been really bad. i cannt seem to get any sort of balance , then i stumbled on this site.alarm bells started ringing,and im thiking i could have bi polar.do i ? of cause now im hating myself more now,i feel like a freak,im scared to talk to any one about it,cos if i say it out loud BI POLAR , i dont know what will happen. where do i go from here?
i would just like to also say ,jo how brave are u wow, i wish i was as brave,its all so crazy, so scary. see how important you are,by you bringing this out into the open,you are helping so many people.please hang on in there .you are buetifull person inside and out.x love and prayers are with you. lynne x hugssssssss
*May 23rd, 2OO9*
Hello Jo
My name is Julie and I am fourteen years-old. I have a bipolar disorder and I just found out about 6 or 8 months ago. And I have suffered from depression for around 4 years. I am extremely touched about how opened you are. You are so young and beautiful and so opened, its amazing. Like you, I like to express myself and say things. I dont like to keep things inside, all locked up. But sometimes I have to. Simply because I dont know whom to go to. Everyone I’ve reached out to has ignored me or just said “I understand”. But the really dont. No one does. Everyone I try to talk to just ignores me or they judge me. Im so sick and tired of my life. There is so much pressure around me. D: I also suffer from anorexia since I was 7 or 8 years old. And that makes it harder. I see myself as fat. And I dont have a high self-esteem. This is so hard for me, especially because I am so young. I dont know who to go to. Everyone just turns their back on me. All I have is myself… And I dont know if thats even good enough.
I’ve had a manic episode about three or four months ago. I honestly cant remember exactly when it happened. What I do remember is how I felt and that it last for, like, 3 or 4 hours. I still dont understand why it happened… And Im still stranged with this whol bipolar situation… I am so young and I have all these problems. And I dont know why but it just all came to hit me at once.
I recovered from anorexia after a year or two after I found out. And just recently it came back in October 2OO8. But before that I had a similar problem. I learned that my dad (a.k.a my most important support system) got sick. He was diagnosed with pancreas cancer and diabetes and had to get an emergency surgery. When my told me I was devasted. So for some reason I went to food for comfort. And I guess it was because I knew my dad always wanted me to be healthy and since he was sick I wanted to make him proud. So I started eating like CRAZY. I gained SO MUCH weight. Everyone was impressed. That summer (2OO8) I kept eating and eating and eating, until I really start noticing that I was REALLY gaining weight more than I ever had. I was so impressed because being anorexic is all I’ve ever known myself to be. When October came around is when, in my head, I was “fat”. So I stopped eating. My daily food was just a granola bar and a small fruit. That was it. I starved myself and I still do till this very day. And since October I have lost about 4O lbs or so… I got really skinny and I still am. For some reason I like it. I like being skinny and I like starving myself. I hate food. It disgusts me… So much. I am very careful with what I consume. I count my calories everyday. I try to keep at 5OO for each day. I cheat on Fridays… sometimes. But then I make sure I exercise enough so I can lose any weight gained, if by any chance I do. I do recognize I have a problem, and luckily I am getting help. But… I dont know. The whole anorexic thing is not such a BIG concern to me simply because I have gone through this before. I know the entire process for recovering. But what really worries me is my Bipolar Disorder.
Its hard for me to think that I will be like this for the rest of my life. I am only 14. What am I going to do with my life? This has made me question everything. Who I am. What I like. What I want to do. Or I want to become… I cant answer those questions yet. And I dont know if I’ll be able to. This is sponew for me. I dont know where to go from here. I have changed so much in the past few months… I used to be so outgoing. So happy. Hyper. Nice. Funny. Cool. Focused. Talkative. Etc. Now, Im so shy. I hardly ever go out with my friends anymore. The last time I went out with a group of friends was in January. I havent gone out like ever since. I have become so shy around new people. Im kinda scared of being judged. And that’s not a very good thing. I have lost so many friends. So many of them.
I have a lot of anxiety attacks… I usually speak super fast. Really, really, really fast. I do the same thing you onced mentioned in one of your videos about checking my alarm clock every two minutes. I do that! Haha… I buy a lot of food at the school caff. that I never eat. I spent all my weekly lucnch money in one day because Im so compulsive. I know I need to recover from anorexia. At the same time I dont want to. And being bipolar doesnt make it any better… I have severe mood swings, so severe some people have already noticed I’m bipolar. They ask, but of course I deny it. I dont want to be know as “crazy bipolar girl”. And anorexic, too. About three or four teacher have noticed about my anorexia. And at school some kids have as well. But Im always in denial.
I have such weird mood swings. Its hard for me to understand why. But I guess life isn’t always fair… It is what it is. And all we can do is be strong. And whatever happens, happens…
Thank you so much for sharing your stories and you’re feelings with us. I am so HAPPY to realize that there really are girls like me with this problem, even though not many teenagers have bipolar disorder, of my age. I honestly dont know anyone like me at all, except for you. Its good to know that Im not alone and that other people go through this, too.
Take care and God bless youu.
I hope you keep staying in touch.
Feel better
-Julie
wow i feel like im not the only person atlast. iv not yet bin diagnosed but am on meds and smoke cannibs heavy as this feels like the only thing i can do to stop my thoughts from racing. my brother is diagnosed and im feeling really low as iv just lost my job. i dont want to go out or see anyone! i am waiting to be medically assesed and really worried about it. even my partner asked if i thought i was mental? Am i? i hurt everyone i touch. whats the point? do i deal with this or carry on running from it?
thank you so much for your posts …. I have bipolar as well and I know exactly how you are feeling.. I needed some reassurance today that I am not alone and that there are people who understand me so thank you for explaining your story to me. Means more than you know… takecare and hope things are well for you
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