All She Knows
She sits alone in the dark
No one hears her, no one knows where she is
No one cares
She cries, hot fat tears that soundlessly slide down her cheeks
She doesn’t matter
Shes a place marker
A replaceable space filler until someone better comes along
And someone better always comes along
She pours her heart into everything
Only to have to pick the pieces up off the floor when they are done with her
Only to try again next time
She gives her all but its never enough
Shes never good enough at anything to last very long
She always ends up in the dark cold corner as life goes on around her
As if shes not even there
But if anyone actually took the time to look into those tired eyes filled with tears filled with pain
Filled with confusion about why shes never good enough, why nothing she does is ever right
They would easily see past the mask she wears, the fake smile
They would see that years and years of misuse of her loyalty and misplaced dedication have taken their toll
The heart that’s been put back together so many times is now missing some pieces
Why does she do it time after time without hesitation
Why does she make herself available for the hurt, the lies
Because she truly believes that one day she will do something right
She really believes with all her might if she keeps putting her heart back together and giving it to people
That one day she wont be in the corner crying anymore
One day someone will take that heart and appreciate it
Instead of smashing it to bits, crushing it to dust
Its that little glimmer of hope that keeps her going, that keeps her getting up out of that corner
That brings her into the light
That dries those tears
That makes her heart almost whole again
One day, someone will look at her and see her value
See her love of all things
See her for who she really is and not for who they want her to be
She doesn’t know any other way to live
So she’ll keep getting hurt
Her stupid heart will keep making the wrong choices
And she’ll keep crawling back to that corner, her corner, dark in a room devoid of light
And she’ll cry her big fat tears
And piece by piece she will put that heart back together as best she can
It may be wrong
It may be stupid
It may be optimistic
It may be totally insane
But its all she knows
Jo,
You write beautifully. i know it can be healing, keep on writing. You are not alone, I am with you. Love you, Becky
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