WannaBeNormal - My Search for Peace, Love & Empathy

Ok the full scoop
I went in at 6am not knowing what time the surgery was actually scheduled for and they said 7:30 so they moved kinda quickly. I was told to get into the gown and they would do my iv. for the first time in all my hospital experiences, this nurse gave me a shot in the hand to “numb the area”. HELLO! Where have these been all my life! I looked away like I always do when they come at me with needles, and I started thinking, what is she doing, this is taking too long, next thing I know she went to get the other nurse, she was really pulling at my hand and fingers, and the needle was stuck in my hand, she just couldnt get it INTO the vein, and I was kinda freakin out. She was rolling over it and under it and couldnt get it and neither could the other woman, who was not being gentle at all. and numbing my ass lol it didnt help at ALL. I wont take it next time cuz its just another needle. They give up on that spot and go at an angel sideways on my wrist in on the first shot.

Then I waited, the first ppl to visit were the anestisia ppl, who asked all kinds of questions, then I told them I was fine last time i’d had surgery but felt they knocked me out too late cuz they had waited til i freaked out at being strapped to a table. The man made note of it and said he would have them give me something prior to leaving the room. Then of course the surgical nurses visited, then the doc, and no one gave me any meds. I got up and went to the bathroom because I refused a catheter, came back and they were trying to take me in already. So i got back in the bed, and they start wheeling me away, i didnt know if i should mention i’d not been sedated or not. Then the nurse said “are you pretty out of it” and i said no one gave me anything yet. She looked to the floor nurses and they said the doctor had only been in a minute ago so they didnt have time. So they brought me to this COLD OR, and put me on the table, sedating me before they did anything TG cuz I felt kinda panicked. About the time he said “i’m gonna give u something to help u relax” was the last thing I remember til I woke up in recovery

The recovery was weird. They asked if I wanted something for the pain, I said yes once that I remember, and they gave me some morphine. Then a short time later, they asked how the pain was, i said alittle just sore, couldnt talk well had really bad cotton mouth, and next thing I know, more morphine lol so she asks me again, i said that i was ok just a little sore, and she goes “well lets just finish this off” talkin about the morphine

She finally took me back to my room, i guess it had been awhile since the doc had told shane i was done and he wondered what was up. He told me that to remove my very sick GB the doc had to seperate some adhesions where it had attached itself to my stomach and gotten all twisted up, basically no wonder it had hurt so bad and I couldnt eat type of situation. The nurse brought in some crackers and said i had to eat so i could take two percocet i took my time, cuz i was so doped up, and eventually was able to get them down with some coffee and water, they said no soda until 6 weeks. LOL ru KIDDING?!?! I drink coke 3 times a day! She said it would probably hurt but once home I could try if i wanted. At this point all I want is to go home, so i got up and peed cuz i knew they dont let you go til u do. She came in to take my vitals and i asked how much longer I would be there, she said at least an hour, so i sent shane out to eat cuz he had talked about eating on the way home and i was nauseated and didnt think i could handle the smell. just about the time he left, she came in to release me! I was so upset lol cuz i wanted out of there. So I asked if she could go ahead and take the iv out and she started to, then said lets wait for your ride

So i put everything away as much as I could and put my pants on, then shane came back and i made him sit by the door so they could see him, minutes later they came in and all set, they sent me home

I am bruised beyond belief because of the amount of jiggling he had to do to get my gall bladder unstuck and i imagine tomorrow i will see the worst of it.
heres what it looked like when i got home

thats my belly button at the bottom and thats where he took the gb out so it will prolly be the worst one, the one toward the top (out of shot) is prolly where he messed around with his tools to clear the adhesions, the ones on the side hurt too but top and bottom are worse, and they closed with SUPER GLUE lol. I go back wed to the doc, cant drive til then, cant lift anything, more restrictions, but basically just rest and slowly start on my regular foods. tried to eat rotiseriee chicken but only got about two bites then got nauseated. Ok thats my story, i’m done now lol thankful to be home and resting i promise!!!

Take care all and i will talk to all of u soon!
Thanks again so much for the thoughts, prayers, and well wishes, they are appreciated!
Jo

Ok, the day is soon approaching!!! My surgery is scheduled for Tues!!! I am both excited and nervous, and everyone is saying, its no big deal, etc etc, but bad things happen sometimes, so I can be nervous right? I’m entitled?

As the day approaches, I have just some random thoughts running thru my head.

My kids. Watching them grow, shaping their little lives. Its truly amazing, theres nothing like it in the world. I only hope WHENEVER my time comes that I have built a solid foundation for them to build upon to be the best they can. I have no dreams for them other than for them to follow their dreams, whatever they are, and be happy and be the best they can be at whatever they are. I love them with all my heart and soul, and I want them to always know that. I think they do now, and I hope they always remember it. I have been very weak and sick since this gall bladder ordeal began, and I laid down on the couch the other nite after dinner, and pulled my boy up tight because i wanted him to leave his sister alone because she was on the phone. I laid down on the couch and he sat up in front of me to watch tv. I draped my arm around him, around that tiny little waist, and as I was drifting in and out, he picked my hand up, kissed it, then laid it gently back around his waist. It brought tears to my eyes.

I have similar memories of my daughter, she shows she cares in different ways, she understands more. I feel like I have cursed my kids by having fibro, they should have a mom that can do everything that other moms do, and I can’t always do that. She sometimes gets frustrated, but shes so protective of me also. She acts so grown up, she helps me do things I cant, she knows instinctively when I hurt more than normal and when I need more help, and normally she helps more than any ten year old should have to. She’ll tell me, “take a break mom”, “go lay down mom”, “you need to eat mom your too skinny.” Theres times when she gets frustrated, as I do also, but she deals with it well over all, in some ways better than me. I really couldnt ask for two greater kids. I feel so blessed.

I don’t discount the rest of my family either. They are great for the most part, I have always had some trouble getting people to understand me, so I think it must be MY inability to communicate properly. I have always been able to communicate better through written word rather than verbally, part of the reason why I started this site, I can get people to understand, even just a little, about what its like living with fibro and bipolar. My family in their own way has been supportive overall. There has been obstacles with each one at different times, but I think for the most part I am very lucky to have such an open minded and understanding family.

Then theres my friends. Someone close to me said that online friends weren’t REAL friends. I thought long and hard about that. I finally came to this conclusion. These people know the REAL me. I dont hide anything from them, and they aren’t judging me superficially. If they are still wanting to be friends with me, then THAT is real true friendship. I am able to tell them anything without being judged and I try and do the same treatment to them. For the longest time, I had no real friends. It is so great to be able to talk to people about everything again, especially to people who truly understand what I am going thru and some have been there themselves. I value all of these people and I am so grateful and lucky to have them in my life.

I have so much to be thankful for, I realize some people dont have any of those things let alone all of them put together. When I am counting backwards from 100 after they start the anesthesia, I will have all of this on my mind, and I hope some will have me on their minds as well. If anything should happen, know I love and appreciate all of you very much, and I hope that I have meant something to each and every one of you enough that you will always remember me. I love you all, please know that. That goes for whether things go well or not, I am a firm believer in never letting someone leave before telling them how you feel, because theres always that freak possibility that you wont get another chance.

So now you know Thank you, all of you, for your support, your friendship, your kindness and your love. It’s appreciated far more than you will ever know.

Friends I am LIVID!!!!!!

I have sent letters, emails, made phone calls, and I am actually getting somewhere I think, people are answering now, however, the ONE person I thought would be my best ally turned out to be not just a disappointment but a slap in the face! I can not even believe his response to my request for help.

I KNOW this man, I have brought my daughter to him, he was a doctor in our community years ago before he got involved in politics. Even after he became a representative, he attended a church that we attended, we’ve spoken with him personally as he was an elder of the church, and the way it was set up, he made a few sermons even, and whether he was there or not, we were told to pray for him as he made “important decisions in our nations capital” as the other elders said.

So I sent him the email, and I showed you his first response, basically said he could only help me as a doc not a rep, I thought because his aide sent it she must’ve been confused, but I thanked him for the response and said any help would be appreciated.

This afternoon I received this email from him:

I recommend that you continue going to the surgeon and have his office fight for you. It sounds like you completed the financial information for the uncompensated care application. There is no legal right that allows you to demand that surgery be provided to you, but in most cases the hospital tries to work out arrangements.





Sincerely,



Wayne Cooper, MD

Demanded????? Is pleading and begging demanding???? I was literally CRUSHED by this response. I do NOT think I am asking too much to get the hospital to hurry up with their decision and allow the surgery to be preformed there, and NEVER did I ask for them to do it for FREE!!!!!!! I asked for consideration of my financial situation and an affordable payment plan. If they are going to charge me the full 15k for the surgery then fine, but could they make the payments like fifty bucks a month for the rest of my life? I do not even believe this, it hurt me so bad, this is EXACTLY what I mean, the state could care less. If this were his mother, or his daughter, he would be doing all that I am and more, yet he faults me for my efforts??????

So I responded:
So they allow someone to die waiting for surgery? Wow, our state cares that little about the lives of human beings residing in their state?
Do you know what it feels like to be on a liquid diet for two weeks yet STILL have gall bladder attacks?
Do you know what it feels like to have no strength to get out of bed yet u have to, because two little lives depend on you to fulfill their daily needs?
Do you know how it feels to have someone who you KNOW, who you have met, shook hands with, went to church with, voted for, tell you that it doesnt matter how sick you are no one owes u anything? Some one to be so callous and uncaring, to not even try to help?

I hope you never know any of it, but be assured, the local papers will want to put this in their story.

I do have people in your position actually TRYING TO HELP and trying to FIGHT FOR MY LIFE, and it really saddens me that you, who I actually KNOW cant be bothered.

I dont want to surgery for FREE, i dont look for handouts, I asked for HELP, ASSISTANCE, and some type of payment plan arrangements. You apparently read my letter wrong or didnt take the time to read it at all.

The system HAS wronged me, I received poor and improper treatment and your lack of concern wont convince me otherwise. Thanks for the two seconds it took to send me a blow off letter.

His office responded:

Dr. Cooper suggested that you work out payment arrangements with the surgeon’s office.

To which I replied:
I have arrangements with the surgeons office, in fact, them I can pay in full, it is the HOSPITAL that is refusing to allow him to do the surgery the HE says I NEED, I have no problems with my surgeon. Its the hospital that will only treat wealthy people

One side note, I am truly disheartened by this, its hard, but everything I have been through I have been trying to not take it personally, thats how the system is etc, but this, from Dr. Cooper, whom I have met, whom I have sat next to at church, THIS hurts personally and deeply. I have a senator calling the hospital on my behalf trying to speed up the process, that person has never met me, and Dr. Cooper is able to toss the matter aside so callously and i KNOW him, he treated my DAUGHTER once when Dr. Franklin was out, well its hard not to take this as a personal slap in the face. Its my fault for expecting anyone to care in a system that teaches us not to.

DESPITE THIS, I received a call hours later that my the hospital called my doc and said SCHEDULE THE SURGERY!!!!!

No date, I find out tomorrow, but the nurse said NEXT WEEK but this thing with Dr. Cooper isnt over, he WILL get more letters from me, and I will get his name in print, nothing slanderous, only the truth. How DARE he treat me like that when all i did was ask him for help!!!!!