WannaBeNormal - My Search for Peace, Love & Empathy

Some people might say there is no difference between the feeling of being alone and solitude. I disagree. Solitude to me, thats YOUR alone time, your ME time, a time when you can just be who you are, be yourself and do things for you. I always think of it as Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. it’s a choice, you go there to chill out and recharge. Its often a welcome break to reflect and be alone with your thoughts. For me its when I have the house to myself, kids sleeping soundly, lights on my tree flashing a soothing rhythm, thinking and reflecting on my past, present, future, day to day happenings or just thoughts I need to get straight in my head.

Being alone is another feeling all together. To me, a person can be completely alone in a room full of people. Why? Because no one “gets” them, no one cares enough to try to understand who they are, how they feel, where they are coming from. It’s a feeling of profound sadness. I get this feeling a lot. We all want to feel loved for who we are. We all want that validation that we ARE someone of importance to someone. For me I also wish for someone somewhere to think I am good at something, anything really, just something that I am good enough at to not be constantly criticized and told I am wrong.

This time of year its especially difficult to have that feeling of being all alone. To be around others and love them so much and know that they don’t feel the same strong sense of love as you feel for them. When I love someone I make sure they know it. No one I love will ever doubt that I love them just the way they are, I accept their faults as part of them, not as a negative thing, just one of the many little things that make them who they are. Its hard to be around people and not have that unconditional love given back, to know that they don’t love you for you, they may love you, but not the real you, the you that THEY want you to be.

In my more clear minded moments I realize that some people arent capable of having that kind of love for others. They love on their own terms and always have to have that control, have everything their way. I can accept that during these times, and I am not as sad. Then I start to think and wish that I had the same kind of love I give to others. Is that selfish of me? Is it selfish of me to wish that others could over look my many many faults and love me for who I am? To accept me as is? There are a small few in my life and in my past who have loved me like that. I am eternally grateful to them because its gotten me through all the times when people have tried to change me, and when I have felt so unloved and so stupid and felt like nothing I did was ever right. Its then that I dug deep and leaned on those people in my heart, reminded myself of them, tried to make THEM proud by being the best that I could be and tried to let the negativity pass.

No matter what holiday you celebrate this time of year, remember what I am saying, if you never believe another word I write, believe this, this is the time of year for kindness, for love. Reach out to someone who has no one else that loves them, let them know that you are there, that you love them for who they are. Be here for them to turn to when there is no one else to understand them, be there to encourage them to keep trying when they make mistakes. Be the one to let them know its ok to make mistakes, that you still love them and that their mistakes don’t change that. Let them know that no one is perfect, and they don’t have to be, that you don’t expect that from them and they don’t need to be perfect to have your love. Now and all year long let them know they aren’t alone, and someone cares, someone loves them.

Hi gang, sorry its been a bit. lets see, where to begin……

Mom is well, Took her to get her staples out yesterday, two hour drive each way for thirty minute appointment, but gladly, shes recovering well. We changed her meds, and she has a new electric thing (yes thats the technical term) that she wears and its supposed to stimulate bone growth. She still has all her restrictions, and we go back in six weeks for a follow up.

I am not so well. I am recovering from the flu, these last few days have been rough on me, I think, yes I am admitting it, I think I have over done it the last few weeks. Between work, mom, and the kids, plus some extras, daughters concerts etc, I am just worn thin!

Thats about it, I am planning on taking it easy for the next few days and I hope to be better by Christmas, before that wears me out! Take care my friends and talk to you again soon. Til next time!

Jo

Compromise

1 a : to come to agreement by mutual concession b : to find or follow a way between extremes

As people, I think its our nature to hate compromise. Lets face it, we all want to have our own way right? Well think about what this world would be like if EVERYONE got their own way……. Couldn’t happen right? Totally impossible which is why the concept of compromise came to pass.

Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. - Ambrose Bierce

In order to get what we want, we play a game of give and take our whole lives. Some days we need to give more than we take in order to get the outcome we desire. I think we’ve all been on both sides of this, I know I have been the giver and the taker, and its really a double edged sword. If you give too much, you’re a push over, if you take too much, your selfish and controlling. it’s a thin line, and I try and be fair. I try and pick my battles, saving my energy for the important things. I think the majority of us DO try to be fair. My problem is with the ones that don’t.

The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising. - Arthur Bloch

Life isn’t black and white, it isn’t always clear whats right and whats wrong, and who decides what is and is not anyway? So sometimes people have to just agree to disagree. That’s not enough for some, some people have to be right at all costs, and they wont quit until they get their way. I for one would rather concede defeat than fight, I don’t have the energy anymore, and like I said before, its smarter to pick your battles, isn’t there a saying those who chose to run away live to fight another day? When someone is just conceding to you because they don’t want to fight anymore, how do you get satisfaction from that? I guess it just goes to show some people don’t care just so long as they get their way. And why? Some things are worth fighting for I agree, but most things if you put your ego and need to control everything aside, people can come to a compromise that works for everyone.

What are facts but compromises? A fact merely marks the point where we have agreed to let investigation cease. - Bliss Carman

What does it take to come up with a compromise?
1. Caring. First and foremost. Why? Because you have to care enough about the other person to consider what they think is important to them.

2. Willingness to bend. To not be so rigid that you wont give up something that matters little (or more) to you in order to be fair to the other party.

3. Respect. Enough respect for the other person, the situation, and yourself to be fair.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? There may be more, but I think if you start with enough love, enough caring for the other person, willingness to give as well as take, and respect for others and yourself, I think there isn’t any situation you cant find a workable compromise to. All we need to do is care enough about someone else or the situation to try.