WannaBeNormal - My Search for Peace, Love & Empathy

Everybody always asks me WHY i would ever move from RI all the way out here to the middle of nowhere. Well that answer isnt so simple. I had some things going on at the time, I had just lost my dad, and mom wanted to move out here because she knew people, and there were lots of painful memories for her in RI. After a few severe disappointments, I decided I couldnt be that far away from mommy and came running out lol following her trail of bread crumbs Yeah theres more to it, but thats best saved for a later date……………

Do I regret the move? No of course not, I wouldnt have my little Angels if I hadnt moved here, but there are times when I miss RI sooo much.

I miss it every time a birthday or anniversary rolls around, because though I always miss my Dad, its those times I miss him most, and it hurts me terribly that I cant even visit his and my Grandmothers graves. I know they are always with me in my heart, and the graves are just the place where thier bodies rest not thier spirits, but I still wish I could get there, talk to them, even though I talk to them here its not the same. For the few years after Dad died that I still ived in RI I visited his grave as often as I could, any time I felt like I needed to talk to him, so it makes me sad that I cant just jump in the car now and run over there on a whim.

In the summer, I miss the ocean. I miss being able to look out and see nothing but water, to feel the breeze in my hair. Sure, there is wind here lol, but there is nothing quite the same as the ocean breeze, it engulfs you, takes over all your senses. You can smell it, feel the stickiness of it against your skin, taste the salt water on your lips, hear and see it blowing all around you, on the waves, against the boat. The beaches I miss as well but thats secondary, I was in the ocean more often than on the beach as a kid because Dad always had a boat. I do remember the feeling though of the hot sand between my toes, and my memories of that make me smile.

Of course I miss the people. I left much of my family and so many of my friends behind. I get sad and lonely from time to time, especially now, this is the season of reflection for me, and I know I have family and friends here, but that doesnt mean I dont miss the ones still there. I have grown ALOT since I left, its been eleven years now, and I think some of them would hardly recognize me at this point, although people say I look the same as I did (bullsh**) I am a totally different person than I was back then. I dont know if thats good or bad lol but its true nonetheless. Still there is a part of me that will always look back fondly and forget all the heartache. I know in my brain that I had some bad times there, but my heart only lets me remember the good times, so I miss everyone.

Finally, now more than any other time, I MISS THE SNOW!!!!! Everyone thinks I am nuts, but around Christmas especially, I miss the snow flakes, walking out into a still night and actually hearing the snow fall. Those who have heard it know what sound I mean. The gentle whisper the snow flake makes when it settles itself softly on a tree leaf, or branch, or even on top of more snow lol. I miss that stillness, those sounds, the way it feels to catch a snowflake on your tongue. We get SOME snow here, but not much, and CERTAINLY not enough to teach my kids how to build a proper snowman lol!

Anyway, thats all I guess, just some thing I have been thinking about! Til next time!

Wow what a week lol. It was a great Thanksgiving. Just us and my mom came over, we watched the parade in the morning, and then we worked on some things and ate, pay didnt eat much, guess he doesnt like turkey Then we kind of relaxed, i ended up NOT putting the tree up, too much work, I was wore out, so I napped for a little bit then got up and went to chat, all in all it was a fun restful, family day.

Of course I went to bed early because the next day, SHOPPING! lol I go to the Walmart blitz sale every yr, tho this yr was NOT getting up at 4:30 so I compromised and got up at 5:30 got there by six. It wasnt that crowded, I guess cuz Wallyworld decided to do away with layaway, lots of people couldnt afford what they wanted. I personally spent too much lol but got 3/4ths of my shopping done so I walked away happy. Oh, and I managed to get the tree up with some help from the kids, still cant find half my ornaments or the stockings, but the tree is up lol with lights and SOME ornaments on it lol, now if i can just remember where the rest of the crap, I mean stuff is lol………………
I have been continuously working on improvements for the site gang, and if you noticed, I have put up two video blogs that you can see here on the site or on Youtube. Hope you like them, and there will be more to come!

Oh and today I taught my daughter to knit!!!! It was alot of fun for both of us, she said we were “bonding” LOL! I guess we were, but cute she recognized it. I also showed her the site, and she asked alot of questions about it and the people who have made comments. I think she liked it, and that made me happy. It was just the two of us for much of the day, and not only was she a big help, but we didnt fight at all and we enjoyed each others company. I love my boy lots, but this meant a great deal to me to spend time with her like this and I think I will have to do it more often.

Well Tuesday Mom has her surgery. I got everything done on my end and am all packed and ready to go, mom said she just had one or two more things to put in her bag, we r gonna load up the car tomorrow nite since we have to leave at 4 am Tues (YUCK lol which means i am going to have to get up at 3:55 am!) I am really nervous, and so of course is she, but i think everything will be ok. At least I HOPE it will, keep us in your thoughts gang if you would. I know you will so I will go ahead and thank you all dearly, and please know its appreciated!!!!

I will keep you all updated as I can, luv you all, til next time!

Jo